How to Overcome Self-Sabotage
If you find yourself in a position where you want to create change in your life but constantly repeat specific patterns that set you back each time, it may be time to evaluate your thoughts, habits and behaviors that lead you to do this.
Self-sabotage can look different from person to person. It could involve sabotaging healthy eating, weight loss, relationships, and career opportunities, among other things.
What does self-sabotage look like?
In the book, "The Mountain is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage into Self-Mastery," the author Brianna Wiest describes it, "There are definitely some specific behaviors and patterns that are typically indicative of self-sabotage, and they usually relate to being aware that there's a problem in your life, yet feeling the need to perpetuate it regardless."
That part about the need to "perpetuate" a bad habit or pattern is a hard pill to swallow.
Common Self-Sabotaging Behaviors & Thought Patterns
Self-sabotaging behavior involves repeating certain negative types of behaviors and thought patterns.
Self-sabotage can look different for everyone, but here are some common ways people engage in self-sabotage:
Perfectionism: Striving for perfection could lead to inaction because you may feel paralyzed by the unrealistic expectations you've set. It can create a sense of fear of not being able to achieve what you set out to do.
Procrastination: Delaying important tasks or responsibilities can lead to missing out on opportunities or important deadlines, which causes stress and can affect your mental well-being and relationships with others.
Disorganization: Being disorganized and not keeping a tidy space can also lead to self-sabotage. It can affect your focus and get in the way of you showing up. It seems small, but once your space is organized and tidy, you can't make excuses for not doing the work you set out to do.
Negative Self-Talk: Engaging in negative self-talk by being overly critical of yourself can undermine your focus, mindset and motivation.
Fear of Failure: Being overly afraid of failure can prevent you from taking risks or pursuing challenging goals or opportunities.
Self-Doubt: When you constantly question your abilities and worth, you get in the way of your full potential. It can affect your confidence and prevent you from taking on new challenges and opportunities for growth.
Overthinking: Overanalyzing situations, imagining worst-case scenarios or dwelling on the past can lead to analysis paralysis, increased stress and you may struggle to make decisions or take action.
Imposter Syndrome: When you downplay your efforts or feel like a fraud, it can affect your self-esteem and sabotage your opportunities for personal growth.
Lack of Boundaries: You must set boundaries to avoid over-committing to activities, burnout and stress.
Limiting Beliefs: Listening and holding onto limiting beliefs can undermine your ability to take action and achieve your goals.
Sabotaging Relationships: If you find yourself pushing people away or engaging in behaviors that damage relationships, it can lead to social isolation and get in the way of cultivating a supportive social circle.
Ways to Overcome Self-Sabotage
Overcoming self-sabotage begins with you acknowledging a need to make positive changes and a willingness to become more self-aware and commit to breaking self-sabotaging behaviors.
Here are some transformative actions you can take to beat self-sabotage:
Self-awareness: Taking the time to identify and acknowledge your self-sabotaging behaviors. It all begins with the commitment to be more self-aware of your tendencies and repeating behaviors so you can intervene and recognize when they occur. Practicing this self-awareness will help you actively acknowledge and navigate the situation through other means.
Challenge your negative thoughts: Work towards actively reframing and replacing negative self-talk with positive and affirming statements. This practice will help you challenge irrational beliefs and instead focus on more constructive and positive thinking. Cultivating a compassionate, judgment-free relationship with yourself is important.
Setting boundaries: Learning to say "no" when necessary will help you establish boundaries in personal and professional relationships. Practicing this will help you avoid burnout and overcommitting to situations and help you foster healthier connections.
Celebrating small wins: Celebrating your successes—no matter how small—helps you create a greater sense of motivation and momentum. It also helps to build trust in yourself because you see that small actions are leading you towards progress.
Mindfulness practices: Setting aside time for meditation, journaling and self-reflection exercises will help you increase your self-awareness and recognize and break repeating negative behaviors or thought patterns.
Develop a growth mindset: Developing a growth mindset involves embracing challenges and seeing them as opportunities for personal growth. Practicing a growth mindset means actively seeking feedback, improving your approach to situations and cultivating resilience. A growth mindset encourages you to be more creative and resourceful when navigating adversity.
Establishing healthy habits: When you prioritize healthy habits by getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals and exercising, it can transform your physical and mental well-being.
Learn to set realistic goals: Set goals by breaking them down into smaller, more manageable tasks. Start by writing down a goal and then identify 1-3 small actions you can take daily towards that goal.
Address root causes: Explore the root causes of your self-sabotaging behavior, which may be triggered by past experiences, traumas, or unresolved emotions. Actively identifying these underlying issues empowers you to make positive changes. Consider working with a therapist or counselor who can help you explore underlying issues, help you gain new perspectives and develop coping strategies.
Create a plan: Take a moment to identify what you need and the goal you want to achieve. Break down your goal into actionable steps, check in with your progress daily and weekly and trust yourself.
Key Takeaways:
Identifying, managing and overcoming self-sabotaging behaviors and tendencies will occur over time. It will require you to be honest with yourself and become more self-aware.
Practice doing more inner work to identify ways to practice better coping skills, habits and proactive ways to keep yourself motivated.
Set small, achievable goals that help you build momentum and develop trust in yourself.
Establish healthier habits, boundaries and positive thinking.
Get clear on your priorities, follow your own path, and create the life you desire.
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